Tomopop After Dark: Wonder Festival 09 ero roundup

10:00 PM on 07.28.2009   |   DickMcVengeance

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for Santa's "mouse." My chimney grew quickly, for what could I do, she appeared saying, "I've got a present for you!"

I can't make this entire post rhyme (and poorly, at that) -- I'm not that sort of writer. But I do have a sordid tale of a peculiar Christmas night that you will be sure to remember several months from now, when you're eagerly awaiting the presents under your tree.

Or, maybe not. I guess it depends if you want a package full of shota when you wake up in the morning.

[Thanks to Moeyo, Akiba Blog, and Danny Choo for the images!] 

As I was saying, Collet here interrupted my dreams of sugarplums and other innocent Christmas-type things with her less-than-graceful slide down my chimney. It's something she's not quite used to, she said. "I was stuck with this gig last minute." Why is it that moe girls always have those doe eyes, I thought to myself. I couldn't ignore her plight.

"Well, you can practice with my chute as much as you might need before moving on," I offered, scratching the back of my head. "And while you're doing that, let me get you some milk and cookies." Why am I so freely offering up my food, I wondered. I didn't have much time to ponder the meaning of this, becauseby the time I got into the kitchen, I found it to be a total mess.

The milk was everywhere. "What the hell is this shit?" I screamed. "I can understand a last-minute Santa replacement coming down my chimney, but who the hell are you and why are you covered in my milk?"

"Well, you see..." she started.

"No, I don't want to hear your excuses. It's late at night, my floor is all messed up, and now you're probably going to want to use my shower to clean up." She nodded meekly. "Great. Fine. Just--just don't get the milk all over my carpet. It's going to be hell to clean up." She opened her mouth to say something, but I didn't want to hear it. I walked back out into the living room and plopped down into my chair.

Over in the corner, Santa's sack was just sitting there out in the open. I could hear noises of her grunting and groaning from the chimney, as she attempted to slide her way down it. Having a bit of a hard time from the sounds she was making. The water rushed through the pipes as Milk Girl started up her shower. Again, I wonder how I managed to get into this situation. There were no signs of breaking and entering, so I have to assume they actually got here through some supernatural means.

Anyways, who is the Milk Girl? She doesn't seem very Christmas-y, unless she's supposed to be one of the ange--"Wan! Wan!"

I turn my head to the front door, where the barking just came from. I can see a dog's tail popping up in the window. Fantastic, more company. I may as well go check it, I figure. What's the worst that could happen? I opened the door, and immediately regretted those words.

It was a dog girl. Not that I should have expected anything different, with the way the night was going. At least she was wearing thigh-highs, so I bade her entrance. She gave me an excited bark and ran straight in. It must've been hell for her, waiting out in that cold winter weather just to get inside.

I come back to find things relatively the same. Santa seems to be stuck in the chimney, but is too embarassed to ask for help. The shower is still going, and now I have dog girl here marking all of her territory. So, the night just got a lot better. As I'm heading for the liquor cabinet -- because who the hell wouldn't have a drink at this point -- I hear a bunch of excited yapping from the dog girl.

I turn around to find her with her head buried in Santa's sack, and she's trying to yank something out. It's bigger than anything I'd expect to find in there. Why, it's a naked boy!

Wait. A boy? In all my time writing about ero figures, nary a sausage has been thrown into the pool. This boy has totally thrown off the vibe of things. This story is supposed to end in a foursome with me and the girls, but now this guy has come in here and cocked things up. What gives? Has there been such a demand for sausage that now I'm going to have to do a little sidestory with this one?

Well, there was only one thing I could do: I told Santa to get her ass down here, started flushing the toilet so Milk Girl would get out of the shower, and started passing around the liquor to everyone. Fun was to be had, and I wanted to make sure I blacked out so I wouldn't remember the worst of it.