NSFW: What you see isn't always what you get, as devils usually prove

2:00 AM on 05.03.2011   |   Chris Pranger

What am I looking at? My eyes are seeing something, but my brain refuses to join the party. Even my usually curious male parts have decided this isn't their thing. My eyes assure the rest of my body that I'm seeing the Naughty Devil Girls Statue by eBay user Vulcan Emotion, but they're also telling me that everything I'm seeing is entirely wrong, and not in the "Hey, male parts come back because this is super sexy" sort of wrong. Instead, I'm seeing the exact sort of trickery that the devil typically uses to lure us into situations where we look like such dickheads.

This is the best example of packaging being entirely different from the actual product. Well, I'm exaggerating a bit as it's not like you get a rusty syringe instead of a doofy-looking statue of girls that look like devils (or vice versa), but the image on the packaging clearly shows that the main devil girl has a relatively normal face. Switch over to the physical product and the face is stupidly shiny and horrendously gauche.

Not like you'd be displaying this on your shelf anyway, seeing as how if you did it'd only be as a way to warn women that, no, they will probably not have anything in common with you. This is the sort of statue that you keep hidden under your bed and pull out only when you feel like furiously contemplating its meaning before wiping your brow down with a box of tissues. At least it would if the statue didn't look like the sort of porn Satan craps out when he didn't plan on sneezing at that exact moment. How do you screw this up?

Okay, I should give specifics, shouldn't I? The statue itself stands 13" tall and is limited to 1200 pieces (seriously, someone made 1200 of these). The price is exactly what you'd expect, US$355, because if you're going to convince anyone to buy these things, you might as well punish them with a ridiculous price tag in addition to the multitudes of frowns Jesus will shower upon them. Still, you want this, head over to the eBay listing and buy your own. If you'll excuse me, my eyes have demanded I scoop them out.

And thanks to Tyler for the header image!

[via Toy Noize]