Jin Saotome's custom Earthworm Jim reminds me why my childhood was inferior

7:00 PM on 04.26.2011   |   Chris Pranger

I never played Earthworm Jim, not did I ever watch the cartoon or own any of the action figures. And I know in my heart that this is part of the reason I'm so bitter and jaded to the world these days. Had I been a die-hard Jim fan, perhaps things would have turned out much, much differently for me. Why am I sharing this with you now? Because Jin Saotome recently felt like rubbing it in with his new Earthworm Jim custom action figure.

We've featured Jin before on Tomopop, such as his Ghost Rider Tron figure or his version of Teddy Roosevelt (which I prefer over history's), but Earthworm Jim here is causing me literal physical pain at the very sight of it due to my stupid-intense love of action figures that look like a blast to play with. Jim here is pieced together from a handful of other figures with a DCU Bizarro responsible for the torso, LCBH Savage Dragon arms, legs, and waist, and a DCU Mongul for the hands. Toss in the head and gun from an original Playmates Earthworm Jim figure and some Aves Apoxie Sculpt for everything else and you have something that makes my earthworm Jim. That one made more sense in my head.

The nice thing about Jin's Jim is that he's freely selling it to anyone who wants it. The downside is he's doing it via an eBay auction instead of just giving me the figure. Seriously? You send me an email tip just to taunt me? How rude! Right now the current bid is up to US$48 with five days left, meaning I'm already out of luck. I might as well just lay down and die right now. Thanks a lot Jin for doing another amazing custom action figure that I can't have, ya cockeyed bastard!

Incidentally, I will accept an apology in the form of two custom Earthworm Jims to make up for this grievance. Earthworm's in your court, Jin.